On Leave & Liberation

Liminality — The condition of being “in between” or “on the margins” of social roles, in particular of being in transition (as during ritual) between one social role and another.

(Cultural Anthropology: Global Forces, Local Lives)

This afternoon, I found myself in the common position of being obliged to introduce myself. Until last week, it was a common ritual. "Hi, I'm Jim" // "I'm a sophomore at Carleton College," // "it's a small liberal arts college in Minnesota, about 40 minutes from the Twin Cities," // "yes, it can be cold," // etc., etc.

But today, I delivered it differently.

"Hi, I'm Jan Michael" // "finished with classes?" // "one more week, sweet!" // "uhmm, I'm not really in school right now" // "starting an internship at a web start up next week" // "well, it's interesting, see, I'm technically on leave from Carleton College right now" // "it's a small liberal arts college in Minnesota, about 40 minutes from the Twin Cities," // "it got cold at times, especially in the winter," // "yeah, it snowed last weekend" // etc., etc. // "I'm transfering to architecture school"

I am "on leave" — scratch that — technically, I am on leave. In reality, I am in a liminal space. I am in transition; a number of transitions. I am transitioning from being a full-time student to being a non-student. I am transitioning from Minnesota to New York. I am transitioning from college to life. Eventually, I will successfully make the transition from being a liberal arts student to being an architecture student.

It has been a very emotional time for me. I left Carleton half-way through the term, unable to meet academic expectations. "I am at a loss to understand your lack of engagement," read one succinct e-mail from a professor. Reading those words, I uttered to myself, "I am at a loss to understand my lack of engagement". It is a lack of academic engagement which pestered me through five and a half terms at Carleton (Carleton operates on a trimester system). Through those terms I sought help, utilized resources, tried what I could to make myself interested in what I was learning, but more importantly in how I was learning it. I certainly wasn't completely unengaged. In campus life, among friends, at work I would consider myself very much engaged. But ultimately, performing in a student-choreographed dance to "Combination Pizza Hut & Taco Bell" doesn't get you off academic probation. Working with a highly-supportive group of campus leaders and administrators, speaking with friends, utilizing campus resources, but most importantly taking time to reflect over life from a distance, I began to gain clarity.

Clarity came in the form of good advice — advice I now share as much as I can. What was that advice? "Know your strengths, play to your strengths" // "Know yourself, know what works and what doesn't work for you". 

I very much respect scholars, but I have come to the conclusion that I may very well not be a "scholar". It is often said that "there is no such thing as 'the Carleton student,' Carls are all different," however there certainly is such a thing as 'the Liberal Arts student". Central to the identity of "the Liberal Arts student" is a love of "the liberal arts," liberal of course meaning "free," and the term as a whole associated with the idea that one is free and encouraged to study many different things. Adapted to the college setting, one eventually begins to concentrate on a particular field and from there combines insight from the many viewpoints and studies s/he has studied into that particular field. At Carleton this all comes to a close with a comprehensive exercise ("comps").

Sounds great right? That's because it IS pretty awesome. However, as awesome as it is, it isn't me, and it isn't what I want to be devoting my life to. I am much more focused and quite trade-oriented. Am I curious? Of course! However, people do not necessarily need college to satisfy their curiosity. That's why we have libraries and Wikipedia!

Liberal arts colleges work for many people. I tried to make it work with me, but it just didn't click. As I went about my college search, I fell in love with the concept of the liberal arts and devalued the idea of a "co-op education," or a technical education, however in evaluating my most meaningful experiences at Carleton, they have been those work experiences. Working in the dining hall in my freshman year, working as a resident assistant my sophomore year, building houses with Habitat for Humanity. Those experiences are some of the most meaningful experiences I have had at Carleton.

It was tough to leave a place I have grown to be comfortable in, and to leave friends I love dearly. However, you cannot force yourself to do something you do not enjoy or mould yourself into something you are not.

I may no longer be a (active) liberal arts student, but I believe that I am indeed liberated.

That is the starting point of this blog, 28 cents, named after the current USPS price for mailing a postcard in the United States. Through these digital postcards, I hope to keep friends at Carleton as well as anybody at all interested in what the heck I'm up to now-a-days in the loop as to what the heck I'm up to now-a-days.

What am I doing immediately? I will soon be starting an internship at a web start-up as well as researching and applying to architecture schools. I will soon put up a post on that!

Comments

[Michael Yang]

I read this while procrastinating from studying for my Physics final, which is at 9:00 am later today (I'm so fucked). I usually read baseball blogs daily so the blogosphere is not entirely new to me, though I don't blog myself and usually don't leave comments on the ones I do read (so you should feel special lol).

Anyway, I wanted you to know that your first piece is very well written and inspiring to read, and the content is something we talked about over break so I can very much relate. But unlike you, I haven't really been able to pinpoint where I'm going wrong, except that intrinsic motivation is something I lack and desperately need. I plan on using this summer to get my act together, but I've been optimistic for the past couple years and so far I still haven't been able to get my act together. I, much like yourself, am in a liminal place, and I know the only way to get out is to push myself harder if for no other reason than because it sucks to still be in that liminal place when everyone else is passing you by.

I'm glad that you are seeking new endeavors, and your internship will help. I wish you the best of luck and I hope that this blog doesn't fall to the wayside; a lot of blogs eventually do. You don't have to update frequently (quality over quantity!). This blog has potential because the content can pertain to anything in your life, and I look forward to reading more of your posts.

Oh, and I'm the first commenter!