Liminality — The condition of being “in between” or “on the margins” of social roles, in particular of being in transition (as during ritual) between one social role and another.
(Cultural Anthropology: Global Forces, Local Lives)
This afternoon, I found myself in the common position of being obliged to introduce myself. Until last week, it was a common ritual. "Hi, I'm Jim" // "I'm a sophomore at Carleton College," // "it's a small liberal arts college in Minnesota, about 40 minutes from the Twin Cities," // "yes, it can be cold," // etc., etc.
But today, I delivered it differently.
"Hi, I'm Jan Michael" // "finished with classes?" // "one more week, sweet!" // "uhmm, I'm not really in school right now" // "starting an internship at a web start up next week" // "well, it's interesting, see, I'm technically on leave from Carleton College right now" // "it's a small liberal arts college in Minnesota, about 40 minutes from the Twin Cities," // "it got cold at times, especially in the winter," // "yeah, it snowed last weekend" // etc., etc. // "I'm transfering to architecture school"
I am "on leave" — scratch that — technically, I am on leave. In reality, I am in a liminal space. I am in transition; a number of transitions. I am transitioning from being a full-time student to being a non-student. I am transitioning from Minnesota to New York. I am transitioning from college to life. Eventually, I will successfully make the transition from being a liberal arts student to being an architecture student.
It has been a very emotional time for me. I left Carleton half-way through the term, unable to meet academic expectations. "I am at a loss to understand your lack of engagement," read one succinct e-mail from a professor. Reading those words, I uttered to myself, "I am at a loss to understand my lack of engagement". It is a lack of academic engagement which pestered me through five and a half terms at Carleton (Carleton operates on a trimester system). Through those terms I sought help, utilized resources, tried what I could to make myself interested in what I was learning, but more importantly in how I was learning it. I certainly wasn't completely unengaged. In campus life, among friends, at work I would consider myself very much engaged. But ultimately, performing in a student-choreographed dance to "Combination Pizza Hut & Taco Bell" doesn't get you off academic probation. Working with a highly-supportive group of campus leaders and administrators, speaking with friends, utilizing campus resources, but most importantly taking time to reflect over life from a distance, I began to gain clarity.
Clarity came in the form of good advice — advice I now share as much as I can. What was that advice? "Know your strengths, play to your strengths" // "Know yourself, know what works and what doesn't work for you".
I very much respect scholars, but I have come to the conclusion that I may very well not be a "scholar". It is often said that "there is no such thing as 'the Carleton student,' Carls are all different," however there certainly is such a thing as 'the Liberal Arts student". Central to the identity of "the Liberal Arts student" is a love of "the liberal arts," liberal of course meaning "free," and the term as a whole associated with the idea that one is free and encouraged to study many different things. Adapted to the college setting, one eventually begins to concentrate on a particular field and from there combines insight from the many viewpoints and studies s/he has studied into that particular field. At Carleton this all comes to a close with a comprehensive exercise ("comps").
Sounds great right? That's because it IS pretty awesome. However, as awesome as it is, it isn't me, and it isn't what I want to be devoting my life to. I am much more focused and quite trade-oriented. Am I curious? Of course! However, people do not necessarily need college to satisfy their curiosity. That's why we have libraries and Wikipedia!
Liberal arts colleges work for many people. I tried to make it work with me, but it just didn't click. As I went about my college search, I fell in love with the concept of the liberal arts and devalued the idea of a "co-op education," or a technical education, however in evaluating my most meaningful experiences at Carleton, they have been those work experiences. Working in the dining hall in my freshman year, working as a resident assistant my sophomore year, building houses with Habitat for Humanity. Those experiences are some of the most meaningful experiences I have had at Carleton.
It was tough to leave a place I have grown to be comfortable in, and to leave friends I love dearly. However, you cannot force yourself to do something you do not enjoy or mould yourself into something you are not.
I may no longer be a (active) liberal arts student, but I believe that I am indeed liberated.
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